Lack of Sex and Sexless Marriages

Lack of sex in marriages happens- you may call them lulls, low points, or dry spells. Long-term sexless marriages happen too- we've all heard about it, seen it (popular talk shows,etc.), and possibly experience it. The general statistic is about 15-20% of couples experience a sexless marriage, which is defined as having 0-10 sexual encounters per year with their partner. Think "Happy Birthday honey. See you next year".

A dramatic lack of sex in relationships has people asking, 'How does this happen? How does a couple go two years or 10 years without sex?'. Everything may be normal- no illnesses, chronic issues, or disorders. So what's going on?

Please Note: this hub isn't for the incurably happy and sexually satisfied couples, even though I know some of you will feel compelled to leave your gushy comments. This is truly for those of us who are curious or experience this in our marriage.

It's Complicated: Those of you who think dating is tough, try making a marrige work. It seems marriages get complicated as time goes by; resentment for things said or done can accumalate, having children, other family that lives with you or gets involved, illnesses, stress, work overload, and the B word- boredom. Almost all of these listed is inevitable. Not much can really prepare us for the demands of marriage. There is so much involved, it can be difficult to pinpoint just one single aspect that led to sexlessness. 

Quantity Versus Quality: Once married, instead of sex simply being an aspect of a couple's relationship they enjoy, it becomes an expectation. Expectations are usually things we avoid or procrastinate. Often times, from the women's point of view, "sex is just another chore". From the man's viewpoint, sex is expected, but he must realize it takes work to get her into it.

Men tend to keep score on how often they get sex. Women tend to barter- give sex in return for something they really want, like a massage. Society focuses on quantity of sex. It gets more attention than whether the sex is good or great (quality). If you want to improve the quantity, then focus on quality- maybe this means foreplay or trying new things or finding what relieves stress for your partner.

The number one rule of human nature is to seek pleasure and avoid pain; therefore if the sex is good or rewarding in some aspect, a person will seek it. Likewise, they will avoid it if they are tired, the sex isn't good, bad mood, not interested, stressed.

Men Vs. Women: Women derive all pleasure from how good her sexual experience is- did the man mentally stimulate her and was he willing to please her physically, not just for his own agenda. For a woman, 'good' doesn't always mean orgasm, it means fulfilling emotionally- made her feel closer to her husband, made her feel sexy and wanted. Once married a woman does a lot of little things for a man and he may not notice- she cooks, does laundry, makes his appointments. Men enjoy these little things and women do too, but in the form of little things to help her relax or enjoy a sexual experience.

Men need sex for different reasons- if they cheat it's not because of the quality of sex within their marriage, instead they reported/complained about the quantity(lack of sex). In fact, cheaters state the sex was good with their spouse when it happened, but it did not happen enough. For men, a sexual experience is predominately physical, but satisfies an emotional closeness to his wife as well. Sometimes it's the only way he feels close to her so you can understand the immense importance of sex to a man.

Many men view sex as part of the foundation for a healthy relationship- if the sex is happening, then there are no problems as far as they're concerned. In actuality, sex is an expression of the relationship. For some people, they don't need sex to have a good relationship. It's important for men and women to discuss their own needs of sex with each other.

Sex Vs. Desire: As a couple, people need to realize sex and desire will obviously be different for each person. Sex is different for women, physically, because women ovulate once a month for a few days. During that time they are most fertile and at a natural sexual peak- they desire the intimacy of sex. There are also times in her cycle when she will naturally want to be left alone. Women who are pre, currently menopausal, or post will experience a fluctuation (highs, lows, and unpredictability) with their sex drive. Also women on birth control pills do not ovulate, therefore a possible decrease in sex drive may occur.

When the desire between a couple fades away, sex becomes an act of just going through the motions. Some people don't need to feel desire or desirable to have sex and others do. If you want to be regarded as desirable by your spouse, take pride in yourself and your body (no matter your size or limitations. Desire is all in the mind- whether it's you or your partner's mind, desire is purely a perception.

Routine Vs. Spontaneity: Many of us married folk have fallen into the routine called marriage. It's the same thing every day for my husband and I; he goes to work, I stay home with kid, he comes home, dinner time, he plays with kid while I get a mini mini-break, I put kids to bed, and then we watch TV or read until we're both asleep.

Kids create routine; dinner time, bed time, bath time, etc. It's healthy for kids, but not for marriages. So you're probably thinking I'm going to argue that spontaneity needs to be rekindled in order for sex to increase. Wrong! Most sex in marriages with kids, is spontaneous sex- get it when or while you can. I miss the days when my husband (before he became my husband), had to call me up and ask me on a date, I got dressed to impress, and we both knew what would be happening that night- it was planned, but hot, and something we could look forward to. I like to plan to have sex, then I can put make-up on, dress up, etc and the anticipation is like foreplay. Same can happen in a busy marriage- planning can be hot. Make a date in the schedule and flirt throughout the day.

Communication Vs. Relationship: Often times, lack of sex in a relationship has nothing to do with sex, it's a symptom of something else going on. There is a problem that needs to be resolved before sex happens. Unfortunately, communication breaks down or ceases altogether when sex diminishes, and communication is the only way to detect and resolve problems within the relationship. If one or both of you are not willing to talk, then divorce becomes likely. Lack of communication and lack of sex is more detrimental to a relationship than aything. A good clue to where the problem lies is at what point the sex began to slow down significantly. If communication is abrupted, then the sex life will be, and soon the relationship will completey suffer.

Ask Yourself: If you are the partner putting sex on hold, then you need to know exactly why your motivation is to do so. Once that hurdle is demystified, then it's best to go to your partner to tell them what you need to be physical again.

Likewise, if you are the partner doing without, then it's wise to bring the topic up comfortably with the other person. Make it not about sex only. Ask if there is anything stressing the other person out or how you can help them in some way.

A Brief Overview of The Widely Popular Cosmetic Product Eyelash Serums

Do you envy those long, thick glamorous eyelashes you see on the faces of famous movie stars or models? Most of the women and not surprisingly a few men do, but what they don't realize is that they can have those same long and beautiful eyelashes themselves. Did you know there is a simple way to grow longer eyelashes and not have to trust on false eyelashes or eyelash extenders? Yes, here I am talking about eyelash serums that have now seen as one of the most popular products when it comes to getting thicker, long and nice looking eyelashes.

What are Eyelashes Serums and How Do They work actually?

Eyelash growth serums are basically one of widely used cosmetic products that can strengthen and lengthen your lashes in a very short time. These products usually contain vital lipids and are meant for external use. Today, you will find the majority of newer serums include primarily natural substances that nourish your lashes beautifully.

Simplistically, eyelash growth serums contain specific active ingredients that stimulate lash growth and make them thicker and stronger. But, these cosmetic products are not only intended for those women with short, and brittle lashes; even if you already have reasonably thick lashes you can still add extra enhancement to your eyes and grow eyelashes longer and thicker than they already are.

In order to gain the real benefits you need to use the eyelash serums consistently, usually each day by applying it to the upper eyelid, along the lash line, much the same way as you would use liquid eyeliner.

How long will it take to Grow My Eyelashes Thicker and Longer?

To be very honest, it depends on which cosmetic product you choose, but generally for eyelashes growth to reach its full potential takes between four to six weeks, though there is also a group of people who have reported seeing improvements after only two weeks. This actually depends on your own natural growth rate and using the eyelashes conditioner serum on a daily basis.

How to Choose Eyelash Serums?

Choosing from the many eyelashes serums available on today's cosmetic market can be a bit confusing, after all how do you know which ones really work? In order to make it a bit easier for you several online portals (which deal in providing an extensive range of cosmetic products) maintain reviews of the most popular brands and provide users with the feedback they have gathered from the real users and an analysis of the claims of each manufacturer. It is vital before buying any eyelash product to read the reviews carefully and be aware of the real image of the company in the market.

The Actual Eyelash Growth Product: Offering Every Single Women Desire

The most essential part of the woman's eyes are her eyelashes. Beauty enhancer is one of its major function. Having sullen, lengthy lashes can give prominence to your eyes will make your face gorgeous. Hence, mascara, a famous product, has been a part of the eye makeup routine. Applying similar cosmetics just for it to feature their eyelashes are women who are born with thin eyelashes. Hence, making their sullen lashes a bit eye-catching. Some women will choose to apply eyelashes that are false. Women who have exiguous eyelashes upon birth or having eyelash loss problems, with curiosity, will try the all new eyelash growth products.

With many products available, you can choose from the prescribe and over the counter eyelash products. Promoting the eyelash growth is the eyelash serum. Being compared to liquid eyeliner together with a thinner brush that is attached to the lid, it is designed as a tube like product. Growing back your eyelashes and give you the lengthier lashes that you never thought that you can have, there are various number of products to choose from that is available in the market. You must use quality products to guard your eyes from any adverse effects or allergic reactions. Before you can know that it suits, you need to try it to know if it is the product that is best for you.

Commonly associated when using some eyelash growth product are some of the side effects. Just remember that not every product contain side effects. It will be best that you stop using the product and go to your doctor as soon as possible, especially when side effects are visible. One side effects is the discoloration of the eyelids. In rare occurrences, the color of the iris is distorted. Another side effect is having unwanted hair growth in the person's eyelid. Due to the wrong application of the product that is why this occurs. In able to avoid side effects, you can use naturally made Eyelash Growth Product to grow your lashes in a natural way. You can go to your doctor to ask for an effective prescription medication that will give you the results you wanted or you must choose the best product. You can then start the treatment.

There are numerous eyelash growth product that you can choose from. You either can consult a trusted website or ask a professional expert in the eyelash growth product to describe each product available.